Who?

Recently, I asked a friend a seemingly simple but infinitely complex question.

Unfortunately, a recent down swing had caused me to revert to something that I had not done in years; I cut myself last week. Oh they were little more than scratches (a week later and they are almost healed) but still...the dark tunnel was feeling very long and the light at the end sounded like an oncoming train.

I found myself showing the friend the cut marks. The friend looked shocked and a little horrified. "You knifed yourself? No. You shouldn't do that. No matter what happens, there are better ways. You should talk to someone when things get that bad."

My response..."Who?"

That one syllable opened a world of speculation. Who indeed? Who does any of us really have in this world that can understand?

To illustrate, this friend then asked what it was that was causing the world to seem so horrible that I had to answer it with self-mutilation. Once again, I had two choices, try to explain the truth or do what so many of us bipolar sufferers must do and lie...give them a concrete reason that they (and that perhaps we) can relate to. I opted for the truth.

In my last post, I attempted to explain the concept of a pain that is 100% INTERNAL. The poets of the world are now going to hate me but...all emotion is the result of chemical reactions in the brain that are responses to external stimuli. Love, hate, sorrow, joy, anger, contentment...ALL of them. Something happens, it stimulates the brain to produce the right chemical reaction and BOOM you fall in love, have a temper tantrum, cry for an hour, throw a punch...whatever.

The bipolar sufferer's brain will have those chemical reactions WITHOUT THE EXTERNAL STIMULI!!! Think of it as being on a drug. People on cocaine will feel euphoric. The drug is affecting the brain chemicals to produce an artificial emotional state. We all know that guy who gets angry and belligerent when he drinks. Again, the drug is affecting his brain chemicals to produce an artificial emotional state. We also know the girl who gets moody and emo when she drinks…or her friend who gets happy and giggly when she drinks. Whatever the drug and the subsequent reaction, the drug is affecting the brain chemicals to produce an artificial emotional state.

Bipolar sufferers don't HAVE to take a drug. Our brains do that all by themselves; which makes it NO surprise at all that many bipolar sufferers also abuse drugs...but that's a topic for another time.

I attempted to explain all of this to my friend, and though I could tell that they truly sympathized, I'm not sure that they truly understood either. And therein lies the problem...to whom can we speak?

My family? It would probably just scare the hell out of them.

Friends? Unfortunately they spend most of their time trying to "cheer you up". Trust me guys; trying to "cheer up" a bipolar sufferer is slightly less difficult then trying to hold the ocean back with a broom. It's not that we want to remain in our black mood. The problem is that our brain chemicals will trump any external “cheering up” stimuli that you may have.

Shrink? Councilors? Talk therapy groups? These are possibilities and different people will have different experiences and success levels.

So to whom can we speak ? I have no magic answer. All I can tell you is this. It would be a nice treat to speak to someone who understands both the sufferer AND the disease. At the end of the day would you really like to know how to help your bipolar friend?

HA! You thought I was going to say “Just listen to them and be there for them.” Nope. Oh that will help but the absolute kindest thing that you can do?

LEARN all you can about this disorder!! Do that and the rest will follow naturally.